To the friend who broke my heart, thank you.

It hurts like hell when I think about you and what you did. Every memory of us kills me today. Yes, you hurt me when you chose him over me.

You see, if he was just a man I wouldn’t be writing this letter. If he was just a man, you and I would still be okay. But you didn’t just take a man away from me that night. You robbed me of my confidence, or the little amount I had left when he was done. You robbed me of my trust I had left for this world.

You ran away with my hopes, after I had taken so long to build them back up. You took my trust. You. The one person that knew almost everything about me. The one person I thought I could tell everything. You took it all. You broke my heart and my soul. You crushed it and left me with scars that will never fully go away.

Yes, after all this time I am still broken. Not because I lost a man, but because I lost a friend. And I lost trust into this world.

And yes, I still miss you. And I wanna talk to you again. I wanna go back to times when we were so happy together, when we used to talk together, laugh together. When we didn’t think about any problems and were just happy. But I can’t. Every time I think about you now, it hurts. Because I am seeing you with him. I am seeing you not thinking about me and my feelings. Honestly, I am not even sure if you ever thought that I had feelings too. If I ever mattered. You were always thinking about you, that’s the only thing I know to be true today.

But in the end, my dearest friend, I wanna say thank you for breaking my heart. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t realize what true friendship really is. You opened my eyes so I saw who really loves me from the bottom of the heart. You made me realize I was in the wrong story. So eventually I can close this chapter of my life and start all over again. You helped me realize that I was focusing on the wrong people by forgetting the ones that really matter in my life. Thank you for breaking off our friendship because now I know that I am worth so much more than what you were ever able to give. Now I can see which people are good for me and which aren’t.

Thank you for crushing me. Now I realize that I had lost myself and that I was acting selfish too. So I can’t even blame you for the mistakes you did, because we both were egocentric. I think, maybe we both were toxic for each other from the beginning. And now I can focus on getting myself back to the wonderful and goodhearted person I was before. Thank you for making me see the mistakes I did. It seems weird, but there was splendor and poetry in the pain I experienced.

At the same time, I wanna thank you for being a friend, at least for a while. You added so many colors to my world. This entire heartbreak wouldn’t have hurt so badly if you didn’t mean so much to me.

Truly, dear friend, all of this to say is that I don’t know where we go from here, but I do know that for now, we can’t go together.

About the Author

blogger, traveller, phd student, enthusiastic about life, love and laughing

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